Keeping House: St. Francis of Assisi Style

Summer is in full bore over here, which means lots of free time and relaxing, right???  FALSE!!!  At our house, summer is the busiest time of year.  We have swim team practice every day, meets every weekend, company and barbecues, and pool/lake days...we are in constant motion.  And I am not complaining.  I love this crazy season.  While busy, it is a respite from the demands of the school year and all that that entails.  But there is NO consistency.  Our days seem like a whirlwind of feed people, do activities, feed them some more, and drop into bed exhausted and happy.  Wake up and repeat.  And, while very fun, it is not really conducive to staying on top of the every day stuff like laundry, dishes, basic tidying, etc.. 

Consistency really is key to keeping things running smoothly in a household.  And I am actually pretty bad at it.  I am constantly looking for a better way to do things:  A way that will take less time, draw less complaints, be more fair, require less oversight from me, and the list goes on.  I am a constant tweaker.  I cannot begin to tell you the number of systems that we have implemented in our home throughout the years.  Yet, the one thing that really matters.  The one thing that guarantees getting things done is this:  JUST DO THEM!!!  Be consistent.  Silly mama (I'm talking to myself here)!!!

I've been wandering around the past few days, grumbling at the things out of place, the state of my laundry room, and all the junk that seems to lurk around every corner.  I HATE CLUTTER.... I actually think I have some sort of disorder that magnifies the clutter in my eyes.  Especially if there is not a room that I can go to that is clutter free.  A few books strewn across the floor, coupled with my kitchen counters coated with dishes and remnants from the last meal can appear to me like a mountain of books and a kitchen explosion.  (Ask the hubs....I get a little antsy and just might overreact a teensy weensy bit when I feel clutter mounting.) I've been trying to figure out how to get a handle on things and wondering how it got so bad and I realized it's because, yes, life's been busy and not our normal routine, but mostly it's because I haven't been consistent.

How is one consistent when life seems to be running at lightening speed and have no regular routine?  Well, several years back, after one of my babies was born and I was feeling completely overwhelmed, I stumbled across a quote in my morning prayers that just hit me right between the eyes.  Truly, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a way that I needed in that moment, but also in a way that has helped me to stay focused and rise above/stay afloat in tough times and just when life is busier than normal.  The quote is this:

"Do what is necessary.  

Then what is possible  

And before long, 

you will be doing the impossible."

~St. Francis of Assisi

Well, at the time I first read that quote and was overwhelmed with life, I prayed that God would show me what was truly "necessary" in my life.  I sat down, and wrote a list of what was necessary by breaking things down into our basic human needs.

                                                                1. Spiritual/Emotional

                                                                       -prayer

                                                                       -love

                                                                2. Physical

                                                                      -food

                                                                      -clothing

                                                                      -shelter

Once I had them categorized, I listed what the actions to each of these needs were.  And from that, I was able to know very clearly what was necessary each day to literally, survive.  I prayed and trusted that if I just did these basic things each day, that God would give me the grace I needed to know more peace because I wouldn't be worrying about things that didn't actually need to be done.  

Let me tell you...it was life changing.  Now, even in the chaos of summer, I know what needs to be done.  Now....I still have to actually do it.  I have to be consistent and require my kids to be consistent as well.  If we just do the basics, what is necessary, we will not only survive, but thrive.  And truth be told....back when I first embarked on this a few years ago, once I was doing just what was necessary, the rest really did come.  Because I also made a list of things that I wanted to be accomplishing and put it in my prayer book.  I figured by writing it down I could get those things out of my mind and also, when the time came, and I felt like we could do "possible," I could go back and see what we could add in to our daily routines.  And it came more quickly than I ever anticipated.  And guys, we did start doing the "impossible" too!!!  Last year I hosted a six week homeschool co-op in my home in the Fall and Spring.  We had infants through high-schoolers and we did a pre-school book and craft class, a 1st grade-4th grade art class, and a 5th-9th grade book club.  I never in a million years would have ever thought that was possible when I read that quote and said that prayer and made that original list.  But truly, by knowing what is necessary and doing it CONSISTENTLY....miracles can happen!  

So.....if you are thinking, "great, glad she figured that all out. But what does it mean?  What does it look like?"  Ill give you a quick run down of what "necessary" translates into for us.  Use it as a springboard for your own home.  And pray for wisdom.  Because this was totally Holy Spirit.  I take no credit.  But I do want to share the wealth!!!

Spiritual Necessities:

1. Daily Prayer

     I started with something very small: morning offering, guardian angel prayer, St. Michael prayer, and 1 decade of the rosary.  We did this after breakfast each day as a family.  You could do it in the car on the way to school...around the breakfast table with your grace before meals.... you could just do one or two of the prayers.  It's just what I decided was a good fit for us.  And if we couldn't get the decade in, we just did one Hail Mary and invoked the intercession of all of our patron saints.  I figured a morning offering, imploring our guardian angels, the protection of St. Mike, and invoking our lady and our patrons...all our bases were covered.   LOL

2. Sunday Mass

Physical Necessities:

1. Food

     breakfast, lunch, and dinner....depending on my season in life, the simplicity and elaborateness of these meals will vary.  During the busiest seasons of life this means, paper plates, prepackaged food like bagels and waffles and cereal,  sandwiches for lunch, and things I can make in bulk and freeze for dinners (meatballs, taco meat, tortilla soup, etc.). I will do a future blog post about some of these life saving meals another time.  

2. Clothing

     This means laundry.  Yup, it has to be done.  I know I can do one load a day.  I try to do two.  Doing a load consists of: kids bringing their hampers to the laundry room each morning and sorting into appropriate bins (lights, darks, whites,etc.), then me washing, drying, and sorting into each person's bin.  In good times, the kids will fold and put away (they also help with the sorting and switching to the dryer).  But when life is crazy, we all live out of laundry baskets and I am ok with that.  The clothes are clean and dried,  and everyone knows where to find theirs!!!

3.  Shelter

      To me this means keeping the house tidy.  And taking care of our bodies. Everyone will have a different level of mess that they can handle.  Or a certain level of tidy that they need to not go crazy.  Here is my list:

-table cleared and wiped after every meal and dishwasher loaded (run after dinner)

-1st floor tidied each day before dinner (toys put away, and bathrooms clorox wiped)

-kitchen tidied, swept, and all counters cleared after dinner

-morning routines done each day (dressed, bed made, teeth brushed)

-night routines done each day (showers/baths, pjs, teeth)....during the winter, I would do bath time every other day for little people....but summer time really means daily body cleansing is necessary!

-vacuum once a week

Now.....I cannot do this alone.  I employ ALL the children and the hubs helps too.  But just doing what is necessary...the basics...consistently...makes all the difference in the world.  

And today, when I felt like the house was going to explode and I, in turn, wanted to explode, I can much more easily, take a deep breath, and put one foot in front of the other and just do what is necessary.  I just have to make sure to do it consistently.  But even when I don't...it's so much easier to get back on track, because now I know what to do.  And so do my kids.  

You may be wondering, what happened to the "emotional needs" portion and "loving" the children. I figured that me taking care of all of their basic needs is me loving them.  I am taking care of them.  All the other stuff (reading to them, doing puzzles, trips to the park, etc.....those really are bonus.  And in crazy busy times of life, I can't schedule that stuff in as "necessary."  It is in the "possible" and "impossible" category.  It is bonus.  Clearly I hug and kiss my kids daily.  And we talk.  And I tuck them in each night.  But I really felt led in prayer that those "other things" that we all LOVE to do with and for our children...are really extras, and so I couldn't schedule them as necessary without putting myself in a position to feel stressed if I didn't get them done.  And that was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I was looking for peace.  So don't you feel guilty, mama, if you are in a place right now where that stuff isn't happening as often as you would like.  Those kids need you to take care of them.  They know you love them.  And when the necessary is done, that stuff becomes possible.*   St. Francis of Assisi said so.  And I am living proof!!!  I Promise!

~May God Bless your home and family~

St. Francis of Assisi, Pray for us!

*when I am do just what is necessary each day, I find that I am so much more able to relax and therefore snuggling kids and reading books to them, or playing a game of go fish or Uno actually happens because I am not stressed.  SO....lest you think I put "things" over "relationships"....for me by having these "things" taken care of I am better able to build and nurture these relationships because I am less distracted and can really enjoy and focus on my loved ones once I know when and how these other things are being taken care of.  

     

My Magnum Opus

If we are being honest here, I have no idea really what I am doing in this role of mother.  I grew up without the hand of a mother to guide me from the ripe old age of 8.  Yet I have known since forever that a mother is what I wanted to be.  Sure, I toyed with the idea of other occupations over the years - marine biologist, teacher, marriage and family counselor - but building a family has always been at the center of my heart.  It is my life's work.  My magnum opus.  

And it's scary and hard work.  Because it is sacred work.  And I am not worthy of it.  None of us are, really.  Yet we have been gifted with the task of building cathedrals. 

"The most important person on earth is a mother. 

She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. 

She need not. 

She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral–

a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body... 

The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. 

They cannot share in God's creative miracle to bring new saints to Heaven. 

Only a human mother can. 

Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other human creature.

 God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation... 

What on God's earth is more glorious than this: 

to be a mother?" 

~ Mindszenty 

So often I feel as though I lack the proper tools for this task.  Partially because of my background.  But also  because of my own vices and character flaws.  And because I want it to be beautiful; a worthy gift to the Father who gave me life and granted me this beautiful task of motherhood.  

So what does one do when they are faced with a task of such magnitude and they aren't quite sure they can give what is being asked of them??? When you are staring at all the "materials" but you don't know how to make them fit.  Or you make them fit, but it's not quite how you envisioned it to be.

You never give up.  You get up each day and you keep trying.  You pray without ceasing and you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  You do your best and leave the rest to God.  You ask for forgiveness.  This is how the sharp edges become smooth.  And the windows let in the light.   

You never quit.  And you ignore the voices that tell you it's too hard or that you aren't good enough.  You love beyond your capacity to love.  Past the fear.  You just keep fighting.  That is where the beauty begins and the victory is won.

(Even when continuing the fight is simply putting on a movie so you can regroup...they will think you are awesome and you get the time you need to continue your cathedral building with much more grace.  Just keeping it real).

And I leave you with another quote, that is near and dear to my heart as I fight each day to build my 6 cathedrals.  

“It is not the critic who counts; 

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, 

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, 

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; 

who strives valiantly; 

who errs, who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; 

but who does actually strive to do the deeds; 

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; 

who spends himself in a worthy cause; 

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, 

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, 

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls 

who neither know victory nor defeat.”

~Theodore Roosevelt

Strive Valiantly. Dare Greatly. Be Not Afraid.  

You are doing glorious work, Mama! <3

Summer Schedule

In summers past, we have never had a schedule.  The kids had chores to do, but we sort of just flitted around with n'er a care in the world.  Or, at least the kids did.  I spent most of my time trying to keep the house clean and keep the kids happy when it was "too hot to go outside" (this is my kids whining and before we became members of our local pool).  We did slip-n-slides, popsicles, sprinklers....but there was a lot of inside time, and honestly, a lot of complaining.  

One would think (seeing that my oldest is 12) that I would have come up with a "summer schedule" years ago.  But apparently I am slow on the uptake, because this is our first year.  The truth is that I felt like somehow having a "summer schedule" shouldn't be necessary.  We have a schedule all year.  And isn't that what summer is all about???  Unrestricted play.  Endless days filled with wonder and spontaneous creativity.  I am an idealist.  And I thought that given the freedom, all of these things should simply fall into place.  Because, well, it was summer.  And that's when these things happen, right?  (I crack myself up as I type this.  This is so unrealistic...yet I have spent the past 10+ years expecting it to happen this way!)

We finished up our school year the last week in May.  After a week of just waiting for the "summer magic" to occur...I decided I was going to have to intervene.  If the magic wasn't going to happen, then "I was at least going to have order around here, darnit!!!"  (that is me yelling at the children)

And so, the summer schedule was born.  From me losing my cool.

Behold the beauty:

(I made this on the computer myself.  It is my first time making such a document.  I am completely inept with computer stuff, so I am SUPER proud of this baby)

Since putting this in place, I have to say...all the magic that I had been dreaming about all these years is happening.  And I am not the one orchestrating it all!!!  Since we posted this chart, these things have occurred: 

1. The kids have made up a pillow game that they play together in the basement.  There are rules and strategies, and they are assessing it over lunch to try to make it better.

2. Child #3 is teaching Child #4 the piano.  

3. More books have been consumed (and enjoyed) by #3 than ever before (he is our one who doesn't love to read)!

4. I have been the joyful audience for a magic show, a dance performance, and a basketball game

5. #2 made a family favorite recipe for breakfast one morning while I was still sleeping, all of his own accord.  

6.  Lots of coloring and drawing and creating of beautiful artwork has been made to decorate my fridge and walls.

7. My house is clean.

8. The kids are getting along.

Now, I am sure some of this is the newness of it all, however, who knew that what the kids needed was just a little guidance to get their creative juices flowing.  You live and learn, I guess.  :)

Beauty in the Heart of My Home, Sunday Sneak Peek

Last week I talked about beauty in the home.  Then I listed some ways that we try to "live beauty" within our four walls.  I mentioned our fancy Sunday Brunch.  It really is one of our favorite traditions.

Even when I don't feel like putting in all the effort of setting out the china and cooking and such, the kids excitement every week keeps me from letting myself be lazy and just eat bagels on paper plates.  And since we have been doing it for a while now, everyone knows what it takes to make it happen and everyone pitches in.

The oldest 5 are able to help with the setting of the table, and the hubs and the top 3 kids are all able to help with the cooking.  Someone is usually assigned to toddler duty.  Otherwise, with all the hustle and bustle happening in the kitchen she will get run over or into trouble.  Sometimes that someone is me, and I get to just relax and I get to just sit and enjoy baby girl and not have to cook and set all the things in motion for a change.  Those are really nice Sundays.

It's not a perfect process. Sometimes there is arguing or impatient snaps, but I think the joy and beauty and routine of it all transcends that, and the kids will remember this with fondness as they grow up and venture out into the world on their own (at least, that is my hope).  So, without further adieu...here are some photos of the table all set and ready for our feasting.

Ready to eat!!!*

My loves!!!

*(perfectionist spaz disclaimer....we usually use a plain, cream-colored table cloth, but I couldn't find it anywhere.  grrrr.  So, we used the checkered one.  Which is too "busy" in my opinion and takes away from the beauty of the china.  But...like I said...life ain't perfect!)  And to my credit, I didn't even say anything about wishing we had the cream table cloth out loud.  This is progress for me, folks!!!  I am a self-proclaimed, recovering perfectionist!!!  :)

Thanks for stopping by!  

~Hope you had a beautiful weekend and a blessed week to come!~

Friendship is a Gift

We live in a culture where competition and one-upmanship and proving ourselves is rampant.  That sort of atmosphere is difficult for anyone, but I think it is exceptionally hard on women, and in particular, mothers.  We love with a love so fierce, and we want to do right by our children.  We are acutely aware of our own weaknesses and failures.  You throw in a world that thinks it is its' job to give their opinion about everything and point out a better way; its amazing we aren't all living in a deep depression and that any of us can get up in the morning.

In this sort of climate, some may wonder if it's even possible to go through life and let yourself be seen.  Really seen. To let your soul bare itself and know that you will not be rejected.  You will not be judged.  Now, that is not to say, that people should never tell you that you have stuff you need to work on, or question you.  It means that they will still look you in the eye and see you.  Even when you are far from your best self.

I had the privilege of spending a beautiful evening with a few of these type of people last night.  I don't see these ladies often (and there were a few who weren't able to be here), but whenever I do, my soul is refreshed.  I have known some of these women since I was 8 years old.  The rest since I was 12 or 13.  They know me.  They know my crazy, how weak I can be, and ultimately, how I have gotten to be the person I am today.  They have been with me the whole time on this life's journey.  And they are a treasure of greatest value.

If you don't have these kind of people in your life...pray to find some.  Because life is too short and too hard to not have people you can call and laugh with over everything and nothing.  But also call when you are at your deepest and darkest and then still be able to stand tall and look them in the eye the next day, because you know that they love you and will never leave you.  And they can see you even when you sometimes can't see yourself.

Thanks for an amazing evening, ladies!!!  ~until next time.

Beauty in the Heart of My Home

I grew up surrounded by beauty.  My father surrounded us with beauty at every turn.  We had a replica of Renoir's, Boating on the Seine hanging over our mantle.  We listened to Handel's Messiah every Advent and Christmas as we decorated the tree and baked and did all the Christmasy things around the house.  We read great literature together (The Chronicles of Narnia, The Little House Series, and The Sign of the Beaver, and the Beatrix Potter books come to mind).  We also had very strict rules about what we could NOT view or listen to.  We only had a few television channels and we often watched as a family when we did watch (think Cosby Show, Highway to Heaven, Family Ties) and every week on the way home from church we would listen to Casey Casom's top 40 countdown together in the car.  But when songs with inappropriate lyrics came on, my father would just turn off the radio for a few minutes and turn it back on for the next song.  He never said anything.  He just quietly guarded our souls by trying to expose us to things that were good, true, and beautiful and keep out things that would chip away at our sense of those things.  

I still don't know if he did it all consciously, or if he knew how deep the effects of his actions would be, but as I sit in my home raising my own crew of souls, I can tell you it made me.  Beauty, in its truest and purest sense- the raising of the heart and mind to God- is something that I am very conscious of.  And the lack of it brings me unrest.  I suppose it should be that way for all of us really, since we are all created for God, but I think not all were as blessed as I was and many don't realize their need for the truly beautiful in their life.  Many don't even know how to recognize it, because if you look around the world we live in today, its become the rarity and not the norm.  

I was blessed to spend a semester in Europe my Junior year of college.  That sealed the deal for me.  Beauty.  It was everywhere.  The cathedrals there, the buildings, the art work...it made you realize how little you were.  It humbled you. Standing before these great works of art, these massive buildings...they had something that our country lacks.  Every detail was accounted for.  No cost of time, effort, or expense was counted.  Because it was done for a higher purpose.  It was done to bring glory to God.  Not for efficiency, or cost-effectiveness, or to please others.  These great works were created for the Creator.  And it shows.  

True beauty leads us to the sacred.  It raises our souls to something higher than ourselves.  That's why art like Michaelangelo's Pieta brings us to tears. We rise above ourselves to something greater.  We feel in the depths of our being the truth about life.  That we were made for more.  And when you experience this type of beauty it pierces you.  You find yourself so filled with joy that your heart might burst, yet at the same time such sorrow because there it is a beauty that we cannot yet experience here on this earth.  It is truly of Heaven.  

Now back to reality.  My earthly home growing up was far from heavenly.  We had our fair share of hardship and sorrow, yet, somehow, being surrounded by beauty and sharing those beautiful moments in books and music, helped us to survive those hard times and to have hope for the future; hope for the peace and joy of our Heavenly home where there will be no more sorrow or pain.  And now, in my current home, with my own children, I seek out ways to fill our home and our hearts with the true, the good, and the beautiful in our daily life.  I hope that by being surrounded by truth, goodness, and beauty my children will have a sense of the sacred themselves.  That they will have a hope to carry them through the hard times of their life, and a peace that comes from being surrounded by that which is at the heart of the human soul.

"But what does that look like?" you might wonder.  Well, at our home it's several things:
1. We eat a big fancy brunch every Sunday after Mass on my husband's grandmother's china.  We set the table beautifully and eat delicious food.  This teaches them that Sunday is sacred as it is The Lord's Day, and that family is also sacred.  We take the time to create a beautiful atmosphere to enjoy each other.  I pray someday when my children are grown and have kids of their own we can continue this in some fashion together.  Or that they find a way to continue it in their own way in their own homes.  

2. We try very hard to keep clutter at bay.  When the home is cluttered, it clutters the mind.  Clutter is not a peaceful existence and without peace, it is hard to think and pray.  So we have chores that everyone helps with and an end of the day tidy to ensure always ending the day in a peaceful, clutter-free home and starting the next day with a clean and orderly home.   

3. We pray as a family both in the evening and the morning, so this just helps to foster that sense of peace and beauty....our "Prayer room" is the one fully decorated room in the home.  It's the most beautiful, and also, it's not a play room.  It's our sacred space.

4. Like my father, we also are very selective about what is watched, listened to, and even read.  We watch most tv and movies together and we read aloud a lot.  I also am very picky about illustrations.  A book with truly beautiful illustrations is very important to me.  I still have my collection of Beatrix Potter books that my dad gave to me when I was a child, and my children love them as much as I did.  Their illustrations are some of the best.  

5.  We enjoy nature together.  We are blessed to live on a pond with a forest behind it.  Hardly a meal goes by without being interrupted by a shout of, "Look, the Heron!" or, "Mom, the deer are here again!"  We spend a lot of time outside just wandering and exploring God's creation.  His artwork is the highest form of beauty.  :)

6.  We attend the Latin Mass.  While not necessary, the reverence of the Liturgy, as well as the music used, and the regular use of incense and other gestures has in its very nature a beauty that is hard to put into words.  One has to experience an Easter Vigil or Epiphany Mass to understand.  It has deepened my family's sense of the sacred profoundly.

These are the things that come to mind off the top of my head.  I am sure there are more.  And I am always seeking ways to bring more beauty into my home.  What are some ways that you live beauty in your home?  Share in the comments.  I would love to know!  

So....I started a blog.....

Recently I found myself sitting in my kitchen, a steaming cup of coffee in hand,  with life going on around me.  Kids were playing nicely in the adjacent family room, hubs was upstairs showering, and I was just sitting.  And thinking.  Uninterrupted.  And it was sublime.  Hence the title of this blog.

I am an introvert.  A deep thinker.  A ponderer.  Yet with 6 kids, homeschooling, home management, outside activities (a.k.a LIFE), I have found myself with so many thoughts...but with so many interruptions, I find myself unable to retain most of them.  Which makes me feel frazzled at times, and also lost.  I need to be able to gather my thoughts.  If they aren't gathered, not only can I not share them when I would like to, but I also can't do anything with them myself!!!

So, after many years of contemplating starting a blog (and I did a few years back, but let it fall, because I didn't quite know where I was going with it),  I am now doing it.  That one, uninterrupted cup of coffee, was a graced moment.  I saw a way to gather my thoughts.  And then be able to share them.  YAY!  I am starting this blog here and now, imperfect as it may be (I can't even figure out how to edit my profile), to gather and share my thoughts and musings on life, parenthood, living the liturgical year (I am Catholic and this is my absolute favorite thing to do with my family), organization (also high on the list of favorites), and fitness and health (because I've realized how important taking care of me is).

Hoping you will join me in this adventure.  Grab your cup of coffee (I like mine laced with a little Bailey's some most days) and let's share our hearts and minds.  Its sure to be sublime.  ;)