Keeping House: St. Francis of Assisi Style

Summer is in full bore over here, which means lots of free time and relaxing, right???  FALSE!!!  At our house, summer is the busiest time of year.  We have swim team practice every day, meets every weekend, company and barbecues, and pool/lake days...we are in constant motion.  And I am not complaining.  I love this crazy season.  While busy, it is a respite from the demands of the school year and all that that entails.  But there is NO consistency.  Our days seem like a whirlwind of feed people, do activities, feed them some more, and drop into bed exhausted and happy.  Wake up and repeat.  And, while very fun, it is not really conducive to staying on top of the every day stuff like laundry, dishes, basic tidying, etc.. 

Consistency really is key to keeping things running smoothly in a household.  And I am actually pretty bad at it.  I am constantly looking for a better way to do things:  A way that will take less time, draw less complaints, be more fair, require less oversight from me, and the list goes on.  I am a constant tweaker.  I cannot begin to tell you the number of systems that we have implemented in our home throughout the years.  Yet, the one thing that really matters.  The one thing that guarantees getting things done is this:  JUST DO THEM!!!  Be consistent.  Silly mama (I'm talking to myself here)!!!

I've been wandering around the past few days, grumbling at the things out of place, the state of my laundry room, and all the junk that seems to lurk around every corner.  I HATE CLUTTER.... I actually think I have some sort of disorder that magnifies the clutter in my eyes.  Especially if there is not a room that I can go to that is clutter free.  A few books strewn across the floor, coupled with my kitchen counters coated with dishes and remnants from the last meal can appear to me like a mountain of books and a kitchen explosion.  (Ask the hubs....I get a little antsy and just might overreact a teensy weensy bit when I feel clutter mounting.) I've been trying to figure out how to get a handle on things and wondering how it got so bad and I realized it's because, yes, life's been busy and not our normal routine, but mostly it's because I haven't been consistent.

How is one consistent when life seems to be running at lightening speed and have no regular routine?  Well, several years back, after one of my babies was born and I was feeling completely overwhelmed, I stumbled across a quote in my morning prayers that just hit me right between the eyes.  Truly, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a way that I needed in that moment, but also in a way that has helped me to stay focused and rise above/stay afloat in tough times and just when life is busier than normal.  The quote is this:

"Do what is necessary.  

Then what is possible  

And before long, 

you will be doing the impossible."

~St. Francis of Assisi

Well, at the time I first read that quote and was overwhelmed with life, I prayed that God would show me what was truly "necessary" in my life.  I sat down, and wrote a list of what was necessary by breaking things down into our basic human needs.

                                                                1. Spiritual/Emotional

                                                                       -prayer

                                                                       -love

                                                                2. Physical

                                                                      -food

                                                                      -clothing

                                                                      -shelter

Once I had them categorized, I listed what the actions to each of these needs were.  And from that, I was able to know very clearly what was necessary each day to literally, survive.  I prayed and trusted that if I just did these basic things each day, that God would give me the grace I needed to know more peace because I wouldn't be worrying about things that didn't actually need to be done.  

Let me tell you...it was life changing.  Now, even in the chaos of summer, I know what needs to be done.  Now....I still have to actually do it.  I have to be consistent and require my kids to be consistent as well.  If we just do the basics, what is necessary, we will not only survive, but thrive.  And truth be told....back when I first embarked on this a few years ago, once I was doing just what was necessary, the rest really did come.  Because I also made a list of things that I wanted to be accomplishing and put it in my prayer book.  I figured by writing it down I could get those things out of my mind and also, when the time came, and I felt like we could do "possible," I could go back and see what we could add in to our daily routines.  And it came more quickly than I ever anticipated.  And guys, we did start doing the "impossible" too!!!  Last year I hosted a six week homeschool co-op in my home in the Fall and Spring.  We had infants through high-schoolers and we did a pre-school book and craft class, a 1st grade-4th grade art class, and a 5th-9th grade book club.  I never in a million years would have ever thought that was possible when I read that quote and said that prayer and made that original list.  But truly, by knowing what is necessary and doing it CONSISTENTLY....miracles can happen!  

So.....if you are thinking, "great, glad she figured that all out. But what does it mean?  What does it look like?"  Ill give you a quick run down of what "necessary" translates into for us.  Use it as a springboard for your own home.  And pray for wisdom.  Because this was totally Holy Spirit.  I take no credit.  But I do want to share the wealth!!!

Spiritual Necessities:

1. Daily Prayer

     I started with something very small: morning offering, guardian angel prayer, St. Michael prayer, and 1 decade of the rosary.  We did this after breakfast each day as a family.  You could do it in the car on the way to school...around the breakfast table with your grace before meals.... you could just do one or two of the prayers.  It's just what I decided was a good fit for us.  And if we couldn't get the decade in, we just did one Hail Mary and invoked the intercession of all of our patron saints.  I figured a morning offering, imploring our guardian angels, the protection of St. Mike, and invoking our lady and our patrons...all our bases were covered.   LOL

2. Sunday Mass

Physical Necessities:

1. Food

     breakfast, lunch, and dinner....depending on my season in life, the simplicity and elaborateness of these meals will vary.  During the busiest seasons of life this means, paper plates, prepackaged food like bagels and waffles and cereal,  sandwiches for lunch, and things I can make in bulk and freeze for dinners (meatballs, taco meat, tortilla soup, etc.). I will do a future blog post about some of these life saving meals another time.  

2. Clothing

     This means laundry.  Yup, it has to be done.  I know I can do one load a day.  I try to do two.  Doing a load consists of: kids bringing their hampers to the laundry room each morning and sorting into appropriate bins (lights, darks, whites,etc.), then me washing, drying, and sorting into each person's bin.  In good times, the kids will fold and put away (they also help with the sorting and switching to the dryer).  But when life is crazy, we all live out of laundry baskets and I am ok with that.  The clothes are clean and dried,  and everyone knows where to find theirs!!!

3.  Shelter

      To me this means keeping the house tidy.  And taking care of our bodies. Everyone will have a different level of mess that they can handle.  Or a certain level of tidy that they need to not go crazy.  Here is my list:

-table cleared and wiped after every meal and dishwasher loaded (run after dinner)

-1st floor tidied each day before dinner (toys put away, and bathrooms clorox wiped)

-kitchen tidied, swept, and all counters cleared after dinner

-morning routines done each day (dressed, bed made, teeth brushed)

-night routines done each day (showers/baths, pjs, teeth)....during the winter, I would do bath time every other day for little people....but summer time really means daily body cleansing is necessary!

-vacuum once a week

Now.....I cannot do this alone.  I employ ALL the children and the hubs helps too.  But just doing what is necessary...the basics...consistently...makes all the difference in the world.  

And today, when I felt like the house was going to explode and I, in turn, wanted to explode, I can much more easily, take a deep breath, and put one foot in front of the other and just do what is necessary.  I just have to make sure to do it consistently.  But even when I don't...it's so much easier to get back on track, because now I know what to do.  And so do my kids.  

You may be wondering, what happened to the "emotional needs" portion and "loving" the children. I figured that me taking care of all of their basic needs is me loving them.  I am taking care of them.  All the other stuff (reading to them, doing puzzles, trips to the park, etc.....those really are bonus.  And in crazy busy times of life, I can't schedule that stuff in as "necessary."  It is in the "possible" and "impossible" category.  It is bonus.  Clearly I hug and kiss my kids daily.  And we talk.  And I tuck them in each night.  But I really felt led in prayer that those "other things" that we all LOVE to do with and for our children...are really extras, and so I couldn't schedule them as necessary without putting myself in a position to feel stressed if I didn't get them done.  And that was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I was looking for peace.  So don't you feel guilty, mama, if you are in a place right now where that stuff isn't happening as often as you would like.  Those kids need you to take care of them.  They know you love them.  And when the necessary is done, that stuff becomes possible.*   St. Francis of Assisi said so.  And I am living proof!!!  I Promise!

~May God Bless your home and family~

St. Francis of Assisi, Pray for us!

*when I am do just what is necessary each day, I find that I am so much more able to relax and therefore snuggling kids and reading books to them, or playing a game of go fish or Uno actually happens because I am not stressed.  SO....lest you think I put "things" over "relationships"....for me by having these "things" taken care of I am better able to build and nurture these relationships because I am less distracted and can really enjoy and focus on my loved ones once I know when and how these other things are being taken care of.  

     

My Magnum Opus

If we are being honest here, I have no idea really what I am doing in this role of mother.  I grew up without the hand of a mother to guide me from the ripe old age of 8.  Yet I have known since forever that a mother is what I wanted to be.  Sure, I toyed with the idea of other occupations over the years - marine biologist, teacher, marriage and family counselor - but building a family has always been at the center of my heart.  It is my life's work.  My magnum opus.  

And it's scary and hard work.  Because it is sacred work.  And I am not worthy of it.  None of us are, really.  Yet we have been gifted with the task of building cathedrals. 

"The most important person on earth is a mother. 

She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. 

She need not. 

She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral–

a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body... 

The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. 

They cannot share in God's creative miracle to bring new saints to Heaven. 

Only a human mother can. 

Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other human creature.

 God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation... 

What on God's earth is more glorious than this: 

to be a mother?" 

~ Mindszenty 

So often I feel as though I lack the proper tools for this task.  Partially because of my background.  But also  because of my own vices and character flaws.  And because I want it to be beautiful; a worthy gift to the Father who gave me life and granted me this beautiful task of motherhood.  

So what does one do when they are faced with a task of such magnitude and they aren't quite sure they can give what is being asked of them??? When you are staring at all the "materials" but you don't know how to make them fit.  Or you make them fit, but it's not quite how you envisioned it to be.

You never give up.  You get up each day and you keep trying.  You pray without ceasing and you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  You do your best and leave the rest to God.  You ask for forgiveness.  This is how the sharp edges become smooth.  And the windows let in the light.   

You never quit.  And you ignore the voices that tell you it's too hard or that you aren't good enough.  You love beyond your capacity to love.  Past the fear.  You just keep fighting.  That is where the beauty begins and the victory is won.

(Even when continuing the fight is simply putting on a movie so you can regroup...they will think you are awesome and you get the time you need to continue your cathedral building with much more grace.  Just keeping it real).

And I leave you with another quote, that is near and dear to my heart as I fight each day to build my 6 cathedrals.  

“It is not the critic who counts; 

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, 

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, 

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; 

who strives valiantly; 

who errs, who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; 

but who does actually strive to do the deeds; 

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; 

who spends himself in a worthy cause; 

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, 

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, 

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls 

who neither know victory nor defeat.”

~Theodore Roosevelt

Strive Valiantly. Dare Greatly. Be Not Afraid.  

You are doing glorious work, Mama! <3