Being a parent in today's day and age is no small feat. We have it so much easier than our predecessors in so many ways with modern technology and all the helps it can bring us. Yet at times when I step back and look, it seems to me that we have it so much harder. Physically, yes, our life is so much easier. We have washing machines, microwaves, air conditioning, and grocery stores. We don't have to LABOR as hard as our ancestors. And even though I would in no way want to give up indoor plumbing and all that it brings, I find myself pining to go back to the days of old. I know life would be harder....every day bringing on the the struggle to stay alive...but that struggle is clear cut. You do what you need to do. If you don't, you will die.
But now, the question of what we "need" to do is no longer a question of need and so much more a question of want. Should our kids to have piano lessons so they can acquire the skill of music and the benefits that come from that? Should our kids to play sports so they can learn teamwork and stay active and healthy? Should I get my teen a cell phone or not? And the list goes on.... These really are wants. And yet as parents, we find ourselves overwhelmed by the pressure of these choices for our children. We question ourselves constantly. "If we don't do x, will little Johnny grow up without a certain skill set? Are we robbing him of what he "deserves" as a child? We stay awake at night, tossing and turning over making the "right" choices for our children so as to give them everything they "need" to survive in the world.
But survival these days is not about actually physical survival. It's not about life or death. It's about giving our kids an edge. And everyone has an opinion of how to best do that. Everyone is looking and judging you on what you are or are not doing for your child(ren). At least it feels that way. But we can't give them everything. Nor should we. What do we really want for our children? Do we want them to be given everything, and to know no suffering or struggle? Sort of, because we want to protect them. Its natural. But, what they really need us to do is to PREPARE them.
As an adult facing the world and all of its realities and responsibilities, did/do you feel prepared? What does that even mean? To me, it means ready and able to face something. So...if I want my children to be prepared to face life as an adult, I want them to have some basic skills. Like...we all need to eat, so I would like them to know how to grocery shop and cook. If we can learn how to garden together so they can supply some of their own food, that would be awesome, but at the very least, they can maneuver the aisles of the store and then know how to turn that food into something edible (and hopefully enjoyable). We all need to be clothed, so they need to know how to do their own laundry. We all also need shelter, so they need to know how to take care of a home by daily tidying and regular cleaning and maintenance (such as mowing lawns, fixing a leaky faucet, and so forth). And to be clothed, fed, and sheltered they need to learn how to make and manage money. So some form of earning (whether from an out of the home job, or inside the home jobs they get paid for) has to occur and we need to teach them how to budget that money.
Those are all the physical needs of the human person, but we also want to prepare our kids for relationships. We all have a need to love and to be loved. This is probably the hardest water to charter, but the most important. And we as a society seem to be looking to outside sources to provide the opportunities to teach these lessons to our children - through sports teams and clubs (I am not saying any of these avenues are bad, by the way).
But it all starts at home. This basic need to love and be loved is best nurtured in the home. They first see it in the way we treat our spouses. Are we respectful in the way we speak to our husbands/wives. Do we seek ways to serve and not be served? Do we listen to each other? Do we apologize when we are wrong? Do we laugh together? And the same with our relationships with our children. And fostering the relationships between siblings. How much time, energy, and effort are we spending growing a beautiful family life within our own four walls when the world is constantly urging us outward? How much simpler would our lives be if we weren't constantly caught up in the hustle and bustle of what the world is telling us we have do and serving outside relationships before interior ones? We have this notion that we need to teach our children how to treat everyone else. But they will pass onto the world that which they know and have experienced within their own home. There is a reason the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" exists.
So, as a type-A, get things done kind of gal; one who stresses about all the things I have written about today, I am urging you (and myself) to do less. Focus inward. Build your legacy by building your family relationships and teaching your kids the basic skills of life. So when they grow up and have a family of their own, they are prepared. Prepared to live and love.
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